Gifts for Joy

This year we decided to hang Joy's stocking and fill it with gifts for her. We are all doing acts of service for each other and for everyone we can. It is a way to remember the real reason for the season. We want to bring Joy to everyone. We want to feel our Savior's love by serving others. We want to feel closer to Christ so we can remember that we want to return to live with our Heavenly Father and Joy again. When you perform a kind act, you get to write it on a paper and put it in the stocking. On Christmas Eve, we will read them all. May you, too, feel a lot of Joy this Holiday Season by serving others.

Festival of Trees

Today we sang at the Festival of Trees. I prepared myself emotionally. I couldn't look at the audience because my mom came to watch and I knew I'd cry if I looked at her. There were also some friends from church there. So I avoided eye contact with the audience, avoided thinking about the fact that so many people donated trees and didn't look at the big poster with a sick child in a hospital bed. It was exhausting. We sounded great I think and the people I knew said I was "glowing." So I made it through without crying.
The festival benefits Primary Children's so there are a lot of families that donate trees in memory of a child that dies there. So we walked around and cried over lost children, teenagers, mothers, fathers and grandparents. It was especially touching when I saw three trees for people's children that I knew. There were three "Twilight" trees. The only picture I took was of the University of Utah's golf team who said they were "teed off" because the U is cutting their golf program. I thought my dad would get a kick out of the tree.

I should have taken more pictures. There was a "Joy to the World" tree with no Joy ornaments on it but some large Joy things around it.
There were several Joy ornaments on various trees that I was coveting. Good thing there are volunteers standing by because I might have swiped some. There were these gorgeous purple glitter ones and unfortunately you can't ask people where they found them. Darn.

Rest in Peace

This year, I am singing with a group of ladies that perform at Christmas parties and other events. It has been really fun and challenging. (I am so choreography challenged.) We had our first performance at a retirement center. It's a great place to work the kinks out of our performance because the old people love you no matter what.
There are times in my life where I know something is going to be hard. I gear up, I'm prepared emotionally to "handle it". Then there are times when it comes out of nowhere. You didn't see it coming AT ALL.
We walked in to sing for the elderly people and the thought entered my mind that these people are going to see my Joy a lot sooner than I will. As one lady grabbed my hand while we were walking by I imagined her saying, "Your daughter is with you." I don't know where the thought came from. I didn't feel anything different but the tears started flowing. I was watching these people and had a little envy that they had nearly completed their journey. They have lived rich, full lives and have almost completed their assignments. I wanted to say, "Say Hi to Joy for me." All these thoughts going through my head while I was supposed to be singing. So I cried throughout the entire performance. The old people still loved us and told us we were beautiful and sounded like angels. One old guy remarked, "I love it when hot babes under 40 show up."

Joy Tree

I have been collecting Joy ornaments for the past year to decorate a tree in memory of my daughter. This year it is a four foot small tree with pink ribbons. I am hoping to collect enough ornaments to eventually have a large tree entirely filled with Joy ornaments.
Here are a few of my favorites.



































Every time I see the tree, I feel so much Joy. And then I sort of chuckle and think that if she were here, she would probably pull the ornaments off and carry them around proclaiming that they are "so pretty."

Happy Birthday Joy

It's been nine months since we said goodbye to our Joy. As her third birthday approached, we wanted to celebrate but I didn't want to throw a princess party with her missing. It just didn't feel right. We went to the cemetery and everyone got to write Joy a message on a balloon that we would send to heaven for her to read.



Then the kids got to open a present from Joy. Here is what the note to the girls said:

I wanted you to have these necklaces. I thought it was perfect that sisters could be best friends forever. Whenever you wear these necklaces, I want you to think of me and remember that we are a family forever. We need to always make good choices and obey the commandments so we can be together again. I am near you often and I love to see my family being happy, serving others, and being kind, nice and good. I love you so much. Love Joy

To the boy, I got you this watch so you will remember that it is always time to obey Heavenly Father. I love you. Joy


It was a beautiful day. Thank you to those who sent flowers, cards and gifts. My friends showed up on Friday morning and said the gift they were giving me for Joy's birthday was a clean house. I feel so blessed. I'm grateful to all of our family and friends that worked to make the day special.

My sister and her daughter

My sister and I have been pregnant together 3 times.
The third time produced these two darlings. 2 months apart. Same school year. Destined to be best buddies just like me and her mom were all growing up. Ha Ha. When my sister got word about Joy, she left her family, jumped on an airplane and spent the week by my side. She was my personal secretary and I loved it. I know she had feelings of guilt and questioned why this happened to Joy and not her daughter or even someone else.

This last week she and her kids have been visiting. We have had so much fun.
Although I was haunted by her little girl this week, it was comforting too. When she sang high school musical and camp rock songs, I knew that Joy, also, would have known every word. When she ran down my hallway and I heard the pitter patter of little toddler legs, I realized that I missed that sound. I felt a little sad that My Sister's Daughter wouldn't even remember that she had a girl cousin her age. It was great to be near her and see how she's changed and grown since I saw her in the summer. I only wished they lived closer. Thanks for hanging out with me. We had a great time.

Dressed in White

Sunday morning arrived much too quickly for all the partying I've been doing with my sister in town. #3 really wanted to wear her baptism dress. She talked #2 and #1 into wearing their dresses too. #1 couldn't believe that hers still fit four years later. I sat there in church and I looked down the row at my beautiful daughters all dressed in white. I thought about Joy and how the last time I saw her she was dressed in white. We picked a dress that had some pink accents. It was the perfect dress.
I thought about her blessing day, the only other time she was dressed in white. I thought about how I would miss seeing her in her baptism dress and her wedding dress.
I thought about her now dressed in white in the Spirit World fulfilling her assignments. Hoping that she was also sitting on the row with us that day in church.