How am I doing?

I can hardly believe May is here. Surprisingly enough, it's gone fast. Well, some of it was slow. The aches and pains, the barfing, the heartburn and digestive issues.
I've done the hard tasks. Sorting clothes. Cleaning the carseat. Getting crib ready. Now we play the waiting game.
Today was a nostalgic day. #4 had a field trip so he was not with me all morning. I missed him keeping me company, challenging me to a game of Uno where the ultimate champion gets to boss around the other. I missed reading his books and letting him chatter on about his friends.
I did a batch of laundry where pink baby clothes were mixed in with all our others and it was a weird moment. Seeing the clothes that Joy wore and not yet holding a baby but knowing the clothes are for her. She's still a dream until I hold her. Yes. I'm in a weird place.
When I was cleaning the carseat, (which was disgustingly dirty) I thought about how I was wiping away remnants of Joy. Her spit-up. Her cracker crumbs. Her little messes. I wasn't emotional about it really, it's just all so weird.
In other news...She has a name. (Which won't be disclosed until birth.)
And I'm dilated to a 3. Big whoop. I could still go two more weeks but it's a start.

Easter

This year I wanted to do something special for Easter.
I decided to turn our typical treasure hunt into service oriented activities sprinkled with a little candy. The service was for our family. I didn't really think creatively enough to expand to others. (Plus, That laundry really needed to be folded.)
So the kids planted our peas, did a secret service for someone, put away items out of place around the house, folded laundry, and looked for a few treats hidden around the house. They also had to look for hidden pinwheels that we took to the cemetery.
Standing around Joy's grave we talked about the resurrection and how grateful we are that Jesus paved the way so that we know that Joy will live again.

Birthday Haiku

It's no surprise that my children are geniuses. #2 gave me this card for my birthday and informed me that it was a Haiku. I had to be reminded of what that was. (Each line has a certain number of syllables or words or something. 5-7-5. I think.)
I just thought it was a really sweet reminder that Joy is with us and we are always thinking of her.

I had a sister
Whose work was done on the earth
So she flew away

I will still love her
I will still remember her
Although she is gone

She is my laughter
She is my precious angel
She is still my Joy

I have memories
That I will always treasure
And never forget

Even though I'm sad
I know she's in a good place
Where I want to be

I try to be good
So I can see her again
And be together



#3's card said this:
I love you so much.
Joy is watching over us and thinking I love my eternal family.
She loves you very much.
I do to.
We all do.
This is a very special day. Joy is so happy to have lived with you.
I love you.