4 Years Ago

4 years ago, today, I was induced early so I could fly to my baby brother's wedding. I wanted her to be two weeks old when we made the airplane ride.
At my 10 week ultrasound, we saw a suspicious lump on the baby's head. My doctor assured me that he wasn't worried and it was probably her fist (which it was) but he wanted us to go to San Francisco for a super ultrasound to check it out. I was assigned a genetic counselor and we had to wait a few weeks to get there. That was a scary time for me. I felt peace though, knowing we would accept whatever challenge came with this baby in her lifetime. We went there and the technician told us that our baby was perfect. We were relieved and so excited that #4 would have a brother. She couldn't tell if it was a boy or girl yet, but I knew in my heart it was a boy. We couldn't decide on a name. As we were driving to the hospital, we started discussing names. We just couldn't agree and then we kind of looked at each other and said, "What if it's a girl?" I had had a dream the night before where a girl baby reached her little fingers out of my womb to hold my hand. My husband said, "I dreamed about a girl baby too." We just looked at each other and laughed.
Because of my rapid labor with #4 (and negligant nurse who left me for an hour and went to smoke) my doctor missed his birth.
My doctor was adamant that he would not miss the birth and convinced my nurse that I needed to be checked often. This made my nurse too nervous to be generous with the pitocin, so my epidural-free labor was slow-going until I got to 5. This is when it gets super fast for me and I could tell it was time. I told the nurse to call the doctor but when she checked me I was still a 6. She called him but she kept saying, "I hope I didn't call him too early." I said, "The baby is coming out." And sure enough, out she slid at 2:21 p.m. just as the doctor walked in the room. My husband looked at me and said, "It's not a boy."
I admit that my heart sunk. I KNEW it was a boy. I KNEW it was #4's brother. I called my mom in tears. I was sad for #4 and I was sad for me.
But, this only lasted about 2.5 seconds because she was such a Joy from the beginning. Her name fit her from the moment she was born. We knew she was special and we knew we were lucky to have her in our family. My husband and I decided that she needed to come to earth at this time so she must have jumped ahead of #4's brother. (Hmmmm...still waiting...)
This was a special time for us. My husband's work gave paid paternity leave and we had him home for 6 weeks to care for us all. I often look back on that time as our little "Heaven on Earth".

It was so fun to send her birth announcement welcoming, "JOY TO THE WORLD."
I am grateful that we got to have Joy on earth with us for 817 days. She brought us a lot of Joy.

Happing Birthday Darling. We miss you. We know you are continuing to bring Joy to all around you.