Today the Sunbeams were introduced in primary. They got to stand in front and twirl a wand while the primary kids sang, "Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam."
I was playing the piano today and that was good because I would not have held up as the song leader.
There are times when I miss her so much that it hurts. Today was one of those days.
It's not that I don't get the plan. It's not that I don't trust that the Lord knew what he was doing. In fact, I know only the gifted kids get to skip sunbeams and go to heaven early. It's just that it seems too far away until we get to be with her again.
Oh, Tami-
ReplyDeleteThis just breaks my heart. As the Primary Pres., I recently was given a print out list of all the kids in Primary for the Spanish Branch so I could see how many inactive kids we have, etc. Lucy's name was still on the roll for Nursery.
That little Joy is...such a Joy. I think you are so strong. I'm so glad you have been singing.
As we get closer to the anniversary of Joy's death, I keep comparing current events with what we were doing last year. Tithing settlement, the Messiah sing-in, the ward choir Christmas program, playing our favorite Christmas duets on the piano, making skiing plans. We were doing all these same things a year ago, oblivious (happily) to what would befall one month later. It is hard to believe that almost one year has slipped away.
ReplyDeleteAndrew asked me why Joy didn't get to stay here and grow up. It seems easy to say, "because Heavenly Father needed her more up in heaven to help him and do good work. She was too good, too perfect to be on this earth." I wish the hurt were easily erased just by knowing this. Then Andrew said, "So, does that mean that Kamryn is bad because she is still alive?" Okay, time for another FHE lesson on the plan of salvation. On the level for a 7 yr. old.
ReplyDeleteOur prayers are always with you guys! We love you!
I cried for Joy yesterday. I miss her.
ReplyDeleteI do too. Especially during the winter.
ReplyDeletesniff...now i'm going to be thinking of Joy when our new little sunbeams come into Primary---and that includes my own little Jack-Jack.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how you do it. I'm a mess in missing my father...I can't imagine the ache of losing a child. Love you and sending you peace.
ReplyDeleteThat is such a sweet picture of Joy. What a hard Sunday. Like others commented, I wish that knowing the Plan (and believing it) would make it easier to deal with the pain. Love you lots.
ReplyDelete